Vengeful Ex-Girlfriends and Spiteful Appliances

Today I woke up early. Had to go to the bank, pay rent, etc. And since I was up before noon, I decided to do something with my morning. Seize the day and all that.

So I headed on down to Safeway and got a couple of things. Juice, a potato, some red bull...the essentials. I decided that today would be a good day, and that I would start it off with some breakfast. And breakfast, if done properly, necessitates a bloody mary. So now it's off to the canned juice aisle and then on home.

I get back to my place and whip up a fantastic meal. Eggs, fried potatoes, english muffin, juice. I'm pretty amazing. And as my meal is resting (yeah, I let my food rest after preparation), I turn my efforts towards assembling my bloody mary.

I fill my shaker with ice -side note: my ice was all half-melted and now I think someone is breaking in when I'm at work and filling my ice trays. This is the only way I can imagine why they wouldn't be totally solid- pour in a generous amount of Stoli, add the tomato juice and then start to get my seasonings together. As anyone will tell you, the seasonings are what make a fantastic bloody mary. So I get my Old Bay, and my Cholula hot sauce, and I reach into the cabinet for the Lea & Perrins.

And it's not there.

I find this to be odd, but assume it's just that I can't see it. It must be in the back of the spice cabinet, right?

Wrong.

And then it dawns on me...the Ex-Girlfriend took the Lea & Perrins with her when she moved out. I like to think this is solely to eff up my bloody mary plans. I can't see any other reason why she would take it. Hamburgers? Please. In the years we lived together, I think she pulled out her ol' George Foreman maybe four times. [insert vulgar comment here]
No, the Ex-Girlfriend stole the Worcestershire sauce because she knew that six months after I was on my own I would finally get my shit together enough to make breakfast.

But whatevs. I wasn't going to let this ruin my day. I finished making my bloody mary, sat down, ate my breakfast.

In keeping with my manic state of mind, I also resolved to do my dishes immediately upon finishing my meal. So I did them. This is not important. What is important is that when I had finished, I ran the garbage disposal, as that is the thing to do when one finishes their dishes.
And this mother of a cyclone comes roaring up out of my drain, spewing potato peels and eggshell bits and god knows what else all over my sink. I'm sometimes not so quick, and so I run the water, get all that shit back down the drain and let the disposal rip again.
Cyclone again, with the accompanying detritus.
Now I've got to get my building to come out on Wednesday and fix my disposal. Today is Saturday...I'm going to be pissed if it starts to stink in here.

And now I'm convinced that the Ex-Girlfriend broke in to steal my Worcestershire sauce, half-fill my ice trays, and wreck my garbage disposal.

This train of thought has gone on long enough. I think it's time for one more drink.

Current likes: Chemical Imbalances and Vietnamese Food

Aha! This blog finally mentions food!

But first: The doctors gave me an official label on Monday. Now I get medication, and a valid excuse for my shitty behavior of late. I'm not much of a medication advocate, but all the same...
Upside to Medicine: my doctor said that I would feel like I'm on cocaine.
Downside to Medicine: I feel like I'm on cocaine. It's 3:24, and I can't sleep.
I think the upside wins.
Can't beat that shit with a stick.

Also! In twelve hours, I'll be gorging myself on pho. Which will be awesome.

Things That I Can't Take Anymore

1) the train wreck that is my job. to include:
- the Girl Who I Caught Cooking Heroin In The Bathroom.
- the Woman Who Daily Flips Her Shit, while retaining all the power imaginable.
- the Bar Back With A Temper Worse Than Mine who gets so stoned that he can barely see.
- the Man Who I Technically Outrank who gets away with more than the Woman Who Daily Flips Her Shit.
- the damage control.
- the rats.
- the stench.
- the Anal Retentive Serial Killer.
2) these crushing lows.
3) this lack of motivation; this lack of ambition.
4) all my newfound disorders. to include, but not limited to:
- panic attacks.
- my stutter.
-T.M.J.